


Will I Ever Make A Sound?

by CravingCraze



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Lives AU, Jared is insecure, M/M, Treebros, connor gets the help he needs, ev.. does not, evan stutters, heidi tries, parent swap au, zoe has abandonment issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-04-05 05:43:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19042297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CravingCraze/pseuds/CravingCraze
Summary: Trigger Warning- Mentions suicide attempt





	1. Chapter 1

Hey sweetie! Have you started your letter yet?"

Connor looked up and over at Heidi. Zoe was on her bed, on her phone. He then looked at his laptop. He _had_ started one, but it wasn't a good one, to say the least.

"I er, I just started one," Connor shrugged, looking back at Heidi.

Heidi smiled, "You don't need to hear me drone on about how they'll make you see a different outlook on this year, but it's true. Dr. Sherman thinks it'll help calm you down, too."

"I don't know how that'll work," Connor stated.

"Just promise you'll try to avoid a fight and you'll be on good terms with me," Heidi ran her fingers through Connor's hair. "It's getting long again. You sure you don't want it cut?"

Connor rolled his eyes, "It's not as hard to manage as you think."

Heidi ruffled it lightly, and went to Zoe. She sat on the end of her bed. "Hey Zoe, ready to start the day?"

"As I'll ever be," she said sheepishly. "Are you sure you don't mind me doing Jazz Band still?"

"Not at all! Sweetheart, it makes you happy, I won't object to that. Besides, you're good at guitar!" Heidi assured, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.

Zoe smiled, "Thanks mom."

Heidi stood up and was about to leave, but stopped at the doorway, looking back at the two. "I won't be home for dinner, I've got a long shift and class right after, so I left out money for pizza. Connor, remember to take your meds. Zoe, don't forget your guitar. I love you two so much, okay?"

Both of them nodded. Heidi sighed, and left the room.

Connor glanced at his computer, where his letter draft filled the screen.

" _Dear Connor Hansen, today is going to be a good day and here's why;_

_You aren't going to have an outburst this time. You're going to stay completely calm and rational and you won't freak out at anybody at all. It totally won't be like the time you tried to talk to Evan Murphy, the ridiculously cute choir kid. You aren't going to hide in the bathroom because you were too worried about staying calm and breathing, which, you were calm at the time! But you didn't know if you'd loose it for no reason whatsoever so you didn't even talk to him then."_

Connor deleted the draft. That wouldn't do, at all.

He decided it'd have to wait until later, because Jared had just sent him a text message about waiting in the car, so he and Zoe hurried out the door.

Jared was one of Connor's few friends (it took a long time to get him to admit it), and had met him through Heidi when their father had left. Jared was important to him, even if he'd never admit it.

Jared whistled, "Loving the new hair length. Very gay."

Connor scoffed, "I'm bi, and already told you that, so shut the fuck up."

"Connor, be nice, or it's good-bi to you," Zoe grinned.

"Like I haven't heard that one before," Connor rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna nap, wake me when we get there."

Zoe rolled her eyes, but didn't comment.

~*~

"It's your senior year, Evan. You're not missing the first day."

Evan cowered from Cynthia slightly. He hated first days and she knew that. Besides, he didn't want to go anyways. He had something in mind.

"C-can't I go tomorrow instead?" Evan nudged his pancake with his fork.

"We go through this every year, Evan. It's just nerves, you'll feel better about it soon," Cynthia assured, giving him some orange juice, before looking at Larry. "Are you gonna say anything, or are you too invested in your emails?"

"Listen to your mother, Evan," Larry typed at his laptop, not sparing a glance at either of them.

Cynthia sighed. "Just finish your pancakes, and get ready, okay? Alana will be here in half an hour."

Evan nodded numbly, taking a bite out of his pancake stack. There was no use arguing, he knew he wouldn't win anyways. He could wait.

"Remember Evan, I've got my yoga class, and your father has to work late, so we won't be home until late. You _have_ to eat something, alright?" Cynthia went to wash dishes.

Evan looked up at her, "Got it."

Cynthia hummed, beginning to wash some plates. "And ask people to sign your cast! There's a sharpie on the counter."

Evan looked away afterwards. He just had to make it through the day.

~*~

"Damn, does the Murphy kid always look that socially inept?" Jared commented, watching Evan awkwardly scurry off to an empty table.

"Jared, just shut up," Connor sighed, shaking his head. 

"I think I'm gonna go say hi," he replied cockily, walking over to the isolated table, blocking out whatever Connor was saying about _leaving him alone_ or whatever.

Jared leaned against the table, and grinned at Evan. "So, hows it feel to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much? Do you hold that as a personal privilege?"

Evan blushed heavily, not saying anything. He couldn't if he tried. Granted, Evan knew he had to stand up for himself and had to be more assertive, but he just _couldn't_ do it.

Jared pressed on. "Paint me the picture; you're in your room, lights dimmed, candles being your only light source. Music plays softly in the background as you pull out your probably new, 10+ phone or whatever-"

Connor's hand lands impossibly fast on Jared's shoulder, and one glance would show that he was _pissed._ Jared laughed nervously.

"Uh.. s-see ya!" He quickly scampered off.

Connor scoffed, watching Jared go, before turning to Evan. "I'm sorry about him. He's an idiot."

"No no, it's, it's fine. T-thank you," Evan smiled at him. 

"I'm Connor. I think I've seen you at er, at concerts?" After seeing Evan's confused expression, he quickly added on, "Jazz band shares concerts with choir, right? My sisters in Jazz band."

Evan nodded at this extra detail. "I'm n-nothing special. I, I don't do s-solos or anything."

"But you like it, don't you?" Connor assumed he would.

Evan shrugged, "There's n-no one to, to talk to.."

Connor could sympathize with that. He let his gaze travel to his left arm, where a cast sat. So, he mumbled, "Do you mind if I sign it?"

Evan didn't hear him. "I'm sorry, w-what? I, I couldn't hear you."

"Er, it's nothing. I'll leave you to it," he quickly walked off, and tried to ignore Jared's laughter.

~*~

Connor sat at the desk in the computer lab during his homeroom. He had procrastinated long enough on his assignment, and had to finish it. So, he began to type his woes of the day,

" _Dear Connor Hansen, turns out today won't be a good day, or good week or year, because things are just getting bad again._

_I can't tell mom about it. She worries too much about me as it is. She should be focusing on Zoe (I've noticed it's harder for her to engage. I hope it isn't anxiety). I'm in control of myself, I can handle passing the spotlight to Zoe for a change._

_And then there's Evan. Why the fuck did it have to be him? Why couldn't it be anyone else? I can't even talk to him._

_I wish things were different. I wish I didn't feel any of this. I wish I was just a normal person._

_But apparently being normal is overrated, am I right?_

_Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, me."_

Connor pressed print without a second thought and leaned back in his chair. The point of these letters were to be honest, right? So he decided to be brutally honest. Connor knew his therapist wouldn't like it, but why try to hide it? Dr. Sherman did say that he wanted him to be honest with him.

Connor didn't get to think long, because his phone was ringing, so he pulled it out and answered. "Hello?"

"Hey sweetheart! I just wanted to say I won't be home tonight. I have to work overtime.." Heidi sounded exhausted.

"Got it. I'll text Zoe," Connor sat up. He was too used to an empty house.

"Thanks Connor. Hey, did you finish your letter?"

"Just printed it off."

"Was it a good day?"

"Yeah.. too good to be true."

Heidi cursed under her breath, "I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Don't forget about your appointment! I love you!"

"I love you too," Connor listened as the call came to an end. He pocketed his phone and decided it was time to grab his letter.

But Evan Hansen was there.

With his letter in his hand.

"Um, hey. I- I wanted to t-thank you. For- making Jared stop," he said, beginning to fidgit a bit.

"Oh, it wasn't a problem," Connor said, matter of fact lay.

Awkward silence.

Connor cleared his throat, catching the other's attention. "So uh. How'd you break your arm?"

Evan's free hand was clutching at his cast, picking at the plaster of it. "I f-fell- out a tree."

"You fell? Out of a tree?" Connor briefly wondered how high he was up.

Evan refused to meet his eyes, and the grip on his cast tightened. "I-isn't that the- the saddest f-fucking thing you've, you've ever heard?"

Connor chose to change the topic. "Um- no one's signed it."

Evan briefly looked at him, before looking down. "No I- I know."

"Well I'll sign it," Connor offered, stepping forward.

"Y-you- you don't have to," Evan looked up again.

Connor pressed on, "Do you have a sharpie?"

Evan nodded in confirmation, silently pulling out a sharpie, and held it him. The entire sequence was stiff and screamed 'I'm so anxious right now but please don't notice it'.

Connor took the sharpie and uncapped it, taking Evan's casted hand as carefully as he could. It was probably the closest he'd been to Evan, and tried to act normal and not like he was going to implode. He cradled his cast, writing big, bold letters on the front, spelling out the words ' _CONNOR'._ Afterwards, he closed the sharpie and handed it back to Evan.

"There. Now we can say we both have friends," Connor offered, watching Evan pocket the sharpie.

Evan smiled, before remembering why he approached Connor. "Is-is this yours?" He held up the letter. "I s-saw it on the printer- and there's no one else in here- It's even got a name. Connor Hansen. T-that's you, right?"

Connor tensed a bit. "Um yeah. Can I have that back?"

Evan was reading it now. "'And then there's Evan. Why the fuck did it have to be him? Why couldn't it be anyone else? I can't even talk to him.'" Evan looked at Connor, shocked.

"Evan wait, it's not what you think!" Connor stepped forward again, but Evan stepped back.

"You hate me.." Evan murmured, staring at the letter. He looked up, tears gathering in his eyes. "You- you hate me! I s-should go.."

"Evan wait!" Connor watched in horror as Evan ran out of the room, frozen, feet glued to the floor. He couldn't will himself to move. 

The same type of horror washed over him again when Cynthia and Larry Murphy met him in the office, letter in hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning- Mentions suicide attempt

Connor stared at the piece of paper in his hand. It wasn't his, that was obvious. It wasn't even that long.

"Connor,

Thank you for standing up for me. It made my last day a lot better. I'm sorry I took your letter. I don't expect you to not hate me.

Evan."

Larry cleared his throat, "Um. It says you stood up for him?"

"Yeah. I did. During lunch, my friend was.. making fun of him," Connor fidgeted in his chair slightly.

"Wait a minute," Cynthia said, "Do you know if Evan's been picked on.. a lot?"

Connor nodded, avoiding eye contact with her. It was probably a lot, finding out your son had been picked on after finding out he tried to take his own life.

Cynthia buried her face into her hands. "I failed as a mother!"

Larry put a hand on her shoulder. He seemed lost on what to do. "Cynthia..."

"I should've been there more.. I should've known what was happening to him.. I didn't think this would happen!" Cynthia protested.

"Um, is- what happened to Evan?" Connor asked tentatively.

Larry nodded to Cynthia, "I'll handle this." He turned to Connor, and said, "Evan.. Evan is in a coma.."

Connor paled. He couldn't believe what he'd heard. He thought Evan would recover in a week, maybe a month at max, but that.. that changed everything. He'd never know if- when he'd wake up.

"He's... what? How..?" Connor couldn't find any words to say to them. The guy he liked was in a coma.

Cynthia rubbed her nose. "According to the- the doctors said it was an overdose- but, he took so many-" she cut herself off with a sob.

Larry put an arm around her. He sighed, "Connor.. were you.. friends?"

Now, Connor was a lot of things, but a liar wasn't one of them. Of course, he lied every now and again, but didn't everyone? Besides, he had a feeling it'd be chaos if he said he was friends with Evan. As much as he wanted it to be true, it wasn't. Lying would only make him and Evan's family upset in the end.

"No. I didn't. I'm sorry," Connor looked away in shame.

Larry just nodded. He looked disappointed, but in himself. "Okay, okay.."

"Did you want to see him?" Cynthia cut in. "You stood up for him. I think it'd mean a lot to him for you to come."

Connor really didn't want to. It wasn't his place to be. But Cynthia looked so hopeful and happy...

"Sure," he said impulsively. "I'll uh.. I'll go."

Cynthia smiled, "Great! He's staying at St. Luke's and I'll be there around five to visit. I'll see you soon!" She waved, walking out.

After an awkward talk with the principal about how he can always talk about to them because it's hard right now but it'll be okay, he couldn't take his mind off of Evan, even during class. He was extremely worried about him, even though he didn't know him, like, at all, but that was besides the point. He had to see his crush in a hospital bed, unmoving, IV's sticking out of his skin.. and that was an unnerving thought as it was. So naturally, he went to Zoe for advice.

Zoe usually sat with him at lunch, routinely, as she was a bit nervous to connect with other people. Connor assumed it was most likely from their dad leaving, and it only made him hate him even more.

"I heard about what happened," she said, taking a seat next to him. "I'm sorry."

"His mom is expecting me to visit him, Zoe.. I don't know if I can handle seeing him like that," Connor wasn't eating, he didn't have a tray in front of him. He had his face in his hands.

Zoe bit her lip. She didn't really know what to do, or how to comfort him. "Maybe it won't be too bad? I mean, it's just one visit, right? It'll help to get it over with."

"I guess that's true.." he looked up at her gloomily. "But I still don't like it."

"We all have to do things we don't like," she put a hand in his shoulder, and squeezed it. She paused, before saying, "You're strong, Connor. It's just one visit."

Connor made a small smile, "Thank you, Zoe."

~*~

Connor isn't exactly sure why he keeps coming back.

Maybe it's because he wants to see Evan wake up. Maybe it's because he reads books to him. Connor doesn't know why he can't stop visiting him.

When he first arrived, he spilled his woes to Evan, saying how he wished he noticed what was happening to him. Connor talked about the time he tried to take his own life, how Heidi found out, and how he started to get help. He even talked about his mental illness, how he doesn't think Bipolar is something he suffers from (he thinks he suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, but he can't find out until he turns eighteen).

But after that, he found he wanted to say more to him, so he brought books to read to him. They were his favorites from his childhood, like The Little Prince, Once Upon a Marigold, To Kill A Mockingbird, and many more.

Connor was aware that even if Evan did wake up, he wouldn't remember Connor doing any of this, so sometimes he just talked about his day, home life, and school life.

Cynthia didn't mind the visits. She was busy enough as it was, trying to help Larry remain hopeful. It was hard to do.

Connor had just finished sketching out a tree in one of his cheap, lined notebooks (it wasn't like he could afford the fancy line less ones anyways). He slowly shut it, leaving it by Evan's bed stand. The nurses were fine with him leaving a notebook, but they'd check it, so Connor only drew nature related things. He assumed Evan liked nature, considering he almost always did presentations on them. And if he didn't ever see them, well, at least he was relaxed when he drew them.

"I don't know you," Connor whispered, gazing at the unconscious boy beside him. "But I wish I did."

Evan of course didn't say anything, he just laid there, as per usual.

"I wish I talked to you more.. I wish- I wish you hadn't felt so alone that- that it'd push you this far," Connor looked away, and rubbed at his eyes. No. He wasn't supposed to cry. That's not how it was supposed to go.

"You mean a lot to me. Maybe it's because when you were there, I felt less alone. Maybe I could relate to you. Maybe.. maybe it's because I really like you, and I just wanna talk to you," Connor looked back at him sadly, and slowly, carefully, grabbed his hand.

Again, he was met with only silence.

"I hope I'll see you again. And well, you know, not in a coma," he laughed dryly, releasing his hand. He left that night with an idea in mind.

~*~

From then on, Connor tried to learn as much as he could about Evan. Cynthia let him come over, if it was to cope, he'd never know, but she was busy comforting Larry, who was loosing hope that Evan would wake up. She knew he was trying to learn about Evan, so she let him go up into his room.

He expected it to be completely organized, not a single layer of clothing out of its drawer, or a paper on the ground. A neatly made bed, with the finest blankets one could get. Multiple pillows on his bed, one for his head and another for his feet. Posters of his favorite bands hung up on the wall, and a soft, wool rug in the entrance of the room. Maybe even small speakers to listen to music to.

Connor was so, so wrong.

Evan had some clothing laying out on the ground, in a small pile in front of his drawer. He had a laptop that was probably a year old, which sat on an old looking desk, with a black swivel chair sitting next to it. The two blankets on the bed appeared soft, thick, and fluffy, and he had about three pillows at the frame of the bed, one stacked upon another, and the other laid beside it (Connor briefly wondered if it was because he wanted to sleep with someone). There was a brown teddy bear on one of the pillows, and appeared to be tucked in. There were no posters on the walls, but there was a Venus Flytrap on his counter, along with a flower, that was just starting to bloom. It was a lot emptier than Connor expected, but it made him less overwhelmed. 

He walked to the flytrap, gazing at it with curious eyes. He'd never seen one before, and didn't think Evan would be the type of guy to have one. Still, he supposed he couldn't be completely wrong with him liking plants or nature.

Connor then spotted a piece of notebook paper on his desk, and though he knows it's none of his business to look through other people's things, he's too curious to resist. He grabbed the paper, and begins to read. 

"If a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody around,

Then what impact will it leave behind?

Does the tree crash, or make a sound,

Or does it even leave something left in the mind?

 

Other trees can stay can for years,

And grow old with others.

But others don't make tears,

Or hide behind window shutters.

 

We're kind of similar to trees,

We can survive the worst of the worst.

But others are never left to be seen,

For they are never seen first.

 

So if a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody around,

Does it crash, ruining everything around it?

Or does it make an awful sound,

Does it matter even a little bit?"

 

Fuck. How was Evan still able to bring him to tears? Connor never knew he was a writer, or a poet even. It once again reminded him that he still had a lot to learn about Evan.

A lot more than he thought.

~*~

There was only a week left before they'd pull the plug.

Larry had tried. He really, really had, but the hospital said that the chances of Evan waking up were slim as it was. He'd been in a coma for a month. That was when patients were typically taken off of life support.

Connor had cried when he heard the news. He thought it so unfair, he wanted to make it up to Evan, to see him again, to tell him he was worth so much to him, but now, he probably couldn't.

He sat in Evan's room, holding his hand, searching for the right words to say.

"If there was ever a time I'd need you to come back, it'd be now..." Connor whispered, tightening his grip on his hand. 

He stared at Evan, hoping, praying to whatever was up there, that Evan would awaken. He needed to tell him everything. He needed Evan to know how important he was to Connor. Please, please wake up, please please please!

The door opened, and a nurse stepped inside with a clipboard. She glanced at Connor and said, "Just checking his vitals, sweetheart. I'll be out in a minute."

Connor watched as she checked his heart rate on the monitor, the IV's in his arm, and everything else. She hummed, content. "Visiting hours will be over in fifteen minutes, dear," she reminded him, stepping out.

Connor looked back at Evan. He traced a finger over one of Evan's nails. Cynthia had trimmed them, but they looked so odd, not being bitten. Then there were hangnails. Connor always saw Evan chewing on them in the hallways. When he looked at his face, he could see facial hair starting to grow, again. Cynthia had told him that Evan hated facial hair and always cut it, something about how he hated how it felt on his face. Connor could relate to that, but he barely had any, and they didn't grow fast. Then, there was his hair. The dark blond locks were getting long, and unlike Connor's hair, it went more upwards than anything, but he still had a bit on the midsection of his neck (Conor hoped he'd keep it that long. He liked it that length). It wasn't like they could get a barber in there.

He sat there for a few minutes, silently admiring Evan and his features, when he felt his hand twitch. Connor put it off as his imagination, before feeling his entire arm twitch that time. Connor could only watch in a stunned silence as Evan’s blank, emotionless face began to scrunch together, as a soft groan left his lips, and his hand slowly curled around Connor’s. Connor managed to shake himself out of shock as he found his voice at last.

“He’s awake! Somebody get in here, he’s awake!”


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Evan heard was yelling.

His body felt heavy as he slowly opened his eyes, a blurry field coming into view. Everything was bright and out of focus, but they were slowly coming back. He faintly remembered Ellison and an empty bottle of pills, and a passerby on the phone, but that was it.

Connor was sitting next to him, holding his hand. Why was he doing that?

He felt pain shoot up and through his body, as he tried to sit up, but nurses rushed to his side, and made him lay back down. Evan let out a sigh, and focused on looking around instead.

There wasn't anything exciting about his room, but it had a tv, so that was a bonus. He watched the nurses test his vitals, ask him questions, and when did Connor get so far away from him?

All he knew was that he was tired as hell. He supposed a coma would do that to someone, he supposed. Evan wanted to sleep again, but he had people visiting. Sleep could wait, right?

Evan looked at Connor, who stepped out of the room, and was replaced by his parents, Larry and Cynthia. Cynthia looked immensely relieved. Larry looked genuinely happy.

"Thank goodness you're alright," Cynthia said, sitting next to him.

"Welcome back, sport," Larry smiled.

"How long was I out?" Evan yawned.

"Almost a month," Cynthia frowned. "I just- I don't know what could've drove you to this.."

Evan looked away from her, "N-no one likes me."

It was Larry's time to frown. "Now Evan, that isn't-"

"But it I-is! I don't- I can't talk to people, I b-break down easily, I have no friends! I'm a l-loser," Evan explained.

"Don't call yourself that," Cynthia's voice wavered.

"Oh wait, sorry, it's f-freak," tears filled Evan's eyes. He shut them.

Cynthia looked at Larry, completely lost. Of course, they'd talked to the school about the bullying problem, but without evidence, they didn't do anything. They mainly did it because Evan cried when he had to do a presentation in fifth grade. They tried transferring him for middle school, but he had another break down, and so they hoped things had cooled down by then, so they brought him back.

"We're going to help you. I'm not going to make the same mistake again," Cynthia whispered, standing up. "C'mon Larry, I think a nurse mentioned a magazine on anxiety.."

The two left the room without another word.

Connor came in next. He sat next to him slowly. "How're you feeling?"

"Why don't you hate me?" Evan blurted out, turning his head to look at Connor. He needed to know.

Connor spoke slowly, "I never did. The.. the Evan in my letter.. it was a different Evan."

"I still t-took it from you," Evan muttered, desperately trying to keep his eyes dry. 

"It was just a misunderstanding. I don't hold it against you," Connor said, matter-of-factly.

Evan just nodded slowly, yawning.

Connor got up, "I'll leave so you can sleep. You don't mind if I.. come back, do you?"

"I don't mind," he smiled, shutting his eyes.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow," Connor smiled, before leaving the room.

Evan let sleep take him away.

~*~

The next day, Connor arrived in the afternoon, holding a chocolate milkshake in his hands.

"I uh- I read up about how sensitive your stomach can get after overdoses, so even though there's a chance your body already recovered, I erm- I wanted to get you something nice? So um, here," Connor handed it to him.

"Holy shit, thank you," Evan gratefully began to drink it. While according to the doctor, he had already recovered from the pills subconsciously, that wouldn't stop him from accepting anything sweet. Cynthia only made gluten meals, and the hospital food was dry and bland, too.

Connor smiled, taking a seat. "You can look through my notebook if you want. It's why I left it here."

Evan licked his lips, and Connor resisted the urge to stare. "I'll l-look later."

Evan fidgeted with the hospital gowns. "Also um- I'm sorry I got you m-mixed up in this. I just- I thought it was n-necessary." 

"You don't have to apologize!" Connor said quickly. "I know people can be dicks to you. They still haven't gotten over fifth grade?"

Evan made a face, "You know how m-middle schoolers are."

"I guess some don't mature into high school," Connor rolled his eyes, opening up his satchel. He pulled out a thick folder, and put it on top of his notebook. "I got all of your missing work, and I can help you too, if you want. I'm smarter than I look, don't worry."

"I'd l-like that," he smiled. "But er, can we we save it for later?"

"Definitely," he grinned back at him. "I wanna get to know you a little."

"Ask away," Evan hummed.

"Do you like writing? I um, I saw a poem on your desk," Connor stated.

"I do," Evan said softly. "It's a healthy way to e-express myself."

"How much do you write?" Connor silently hoped he wouldn't ask about his poem.

Evan shrugged, "A lot, I guess. Every few days, sometimes I need more than, more than o-one sitting to finish something."

"Your mom said you like nature," Connor added, because he thought it'd be creepy to say he remembered his presentations on the importance of nature and how everyone could help the earth. No, it'd be especially weird to say he was into protecting nature, too. Where would that even come from?

"I do!" Evan perked up. "I worked at Ellison as a Park Ranger Intern! I'm, I'm s-sort of a tree expert, not to brag!"

"Well, would you mind telling me a bit about them?" Connor suggested.

It was more than just a bit.

Evan launched into a full discussion of how different environments helped different types of trees, what some particular trees were for, and how common they were. He even said that he believed big corporations didn't need more than one shop in one town, how he wanted some to allow trees to live on the premises to have that small taste of nature.

But soon he stopped himself, thinking he was being annoying, which Connor argued, no, he was not being annoying, he was just passionate. He secretly found it adorable, but of course never told him that.

They moved onto homework, something Evan wasn't enthusiastic about, but didn't want to put it off.

"I'm not looking forward going back to, back to c-choir," Evan sighed, scribbling down some answers.

"Cause you'll be alone, right?" Connor filled in.

Evan simply nodded.

Connor blushed, beginning to fidget nervously. "Actually I uh.. I replaced one of my class to er, j-join choir. So I could hang out with you more."

Connor was worried about Evan being creeped out, but Evan was smiling.

"You're really s-sweet," Evan told him. "What, what have we been doing?"

"Just practicing songs for the fall concert," he shrugged. "I don't know what their names are, though."

"I hope they're good. We've been getting.. cheesy, religious songs lately," Evan stated, frowning.

Connor grew curious. "What religion are they trying to force on you?"

"Christianity," he made a face. "And I'm Jewish, so..."

"Christianity can be very... biased. Just ignored it. You've got freedom of religion on your side," Connor hummed. "Anyway, my mom is Jewish, too, but I'm not. She didn't wanna force us into anything."

"So how do holidays work?" Evan asked.

"We celebrate whatever she does and don't celebrate what she doesn't. It's not a big deal," Connor shrugged. 

Evan shut whatever he was writing in and set it aside. He reached over and grabbed Connor's notebook, wanting to see what was inside. Connor didn't protest, as there wasn't anything personal in there.

Evan happily flipped through the notebook, "You're a, a really good artist, Connor."

"It's not my best work," Connor said sheepishly.

"Well I think it's good," he shut it after he was done, and set it aside. "I um... I wanna get to know you a little more."

"What?" Connor was caught off guard.

"It's just- y-you know so much about me, but I feel like I, I barely know anything about you! And I wanna c-change that!" Evan explained.

"Oh, well ask away," Connor sat up.

Evan happily began to ask him about hobbies, his home life, family, and a ton of other questions. He was very eager to get to know Connor, after the latter said he'd like to be his friend. They even launched into an entire Marvel conversation, talking about the comics and movies. It made Connor's heart swell every time Evan laughed or called him 'dork'.

But they soon had to part, as it was getting late, and it was a school night. Heidi wouldn't be happy to find her son in the hospital still.

Connor left that day with a heavy heart, watching Evan's sad expression morph into happiness when he promised another visit with more milkshakes.

~*~

Connor visited him for the remaining of Evan's stay in the hospital, giving and returning homework for him so he wouldn't fall behind. At one point, Evan had given Connor his number, as he put it simply that he really liked talking to him.

While Evan returning to school made some students turn some heads, Connor walked with him, as if showing them all Evan wasn't a freak or anything, but rather his friend.

He was ecstatic when he saw Evan enter the choir room, because he'd finally gotten what he was wanting, quality time with Evan. Connor didn't think he could sing very well, but Evan refused to believe that, and instead persisted to encourage him and compliment him whenever he possibly could (it was quite flattering to Connor, that he was getting so much attention from his crush like that).

At one point, he had a talk with Alana Beck, and basically confirmed with her that he saw her as a friend. This establishment made her extremely happy.

But after a week of being at school, Connor had finally invited Evan to his house, because he wanted to hang out with him outside of school again.

Evan of course accepted, but he seemed a bit anxious. Maybe it was because he'd never been there, or he's secretly intimidated by Connor, but Connor tries very hard to not dwell on it.

Considering Evan's parents don't trust him enough yet to drive, but as far as they knew, he was clean so far, and his cast was coming off soon, so he'd be free soon. Point being, Connor had only one way to get Evan to his house, and that was through Jared.

At least Zoe was at a friend's house.

Connor gave Jared this pointed glare all throughout the car ride, daring him to say one negative thing about Evan. Evan obviously noticed this, as he was blushing and avoiding looking at Connor.

Once they arrived, Connor said goodbye to Jared, and lead Evan to his room. He sat him down on his bed, and began to show him his comic book collection. After a little bit, they grew tired of reading, and decided to watch random shows on Netflix (Connor liked watching cooking shows, but it made him really hungry).

But when they went to Evan's, Evan was much more self conscious, as his house was bigger than Connor's, and he didn't want to accidentally offend him. Connor thought it was a nice house, but still preferred his own house.

Connor ate with Evan's parents, who weren't a big fan of him. They accused him of being a druggie and using Evan for money. Evan had to ask them to stop as he debunked everything they said. Connor made a vow to only go over if the house was empty.

About a month later, Evan's cast finally came off. Evan told Connor about how his parents were searching for the right medication him, along with a therapist, so things were pretty crazy for him in that given time. Connor knew he just had to be patient and continue to support Evan, because getting mad wouldn't solve anything. A good thing that came from their newfound friendship was that Evan was a little touchy, as simple things like holding Connor's hand or leaning on Connor helped ground him and convinced him that he was still alive and well. Connor adored all of these touches, and happily reciprocated them.

So, when Evan grew less and less touchy, he assumed he was under a lot of stress from testing medications. However, Connor noticed that Evan was fidgeting like he was holding back, but from what and why?

One day, while Connor was rereading Once Upon A Marigold, while Zoe was in their room, practicing some jazz band music, someone rang on their door bell. Connor sighed, shutting his book and going to answer it. He was getting to the sappy part, damn it!

When he pulls open the door, there was Evan, dressed even nicer than usual, bearing a white button up shirt, and black dress pants. He had his hands behind his back.

"Evan? Why- what's the special occasion?" Connor tried to joke, smiling feebly and nervously. He tried not to focus on how freaking adorable he looked.

"Um," Evan shifted from one foot to the other. He was nervous too, apparently. "I, I have something I n-need to, to tell y-you..."

Although he was definitely getting ahead of himself, Connor was getting his hopes up of finally ending up with Evan. Because why would he show up dressed up all nicely and have something hiding behind his back? To hand out a funeral invite? No, he wouldn't, that'd be ridiculous, and Connor definitely would've known about dead relatives.

Connor tries to play it casual. "Alrighty. What's up?"

Evan takes a deep breath before he starts, but he doesn't get very far. "Okay.. I- fuck. This is, this is really s-scary. Sorry."

Connor stayed silent, allowing Evan to recollect himself. He didn't want to trigger anymore of his anxiety.

"Here!" Evan squeaks, quickly shoving a bouquet of red roses into his arms, and a wave of red settled onto his cheeks.

Of course, Connor wasn't an expert on flower language, but it was common knowledge that red roses meant love. Like, intimate love.

Connor smiled largely, and looked at Evan, who was looking at his feet. He carefully undid the plastic paper and pulled out one of the roses (the thorns were cut off), snapped off its steam, and set the rest down on the chair outside. He gently lifted Evan's head, making the other gaze at him, and put it onto his ear.

Evan smiled sheepishly, and leaned against Connor, burying his head into his chest. Connor could only grin, beginning to mess with his hair.

He'd waited this long, but this was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy end of May or Early June!


End file.
